Update re: spouse paying spouse rent... | Step Talk

Ok so after listening to much of what was said yesterday (re: spouse paying spouse rent). I've suggested to my BF that he can own a share of the future home from the date of marriage equal to what he can afford to contribute. Instead of owning our home as joint tenants with rights of survivorship as most married people do (essentially either party owns the entire property upon the death of the first spouse) we can own it as "tenants in common". I own my share he owns his definitely not a 50/50 split. He doesn't seem too happy with that as he said he'll have way less to contribute because he will always have more children, and more responsibilities than myself. Upon either death each spouses estate remains their separate estate to distribute as they see fit. I'll gladly leave him a life tenancy though I wouldn't foresee our future kids forcing their own father out of his home (though stranger things have happened) and would accept the same from him.?

I've given this much thought as to why this matters so much to me and the truth of it all is that my children and I will sacrifice much (I say this because 34% of dads income goes outside our home and therefore more of my income pays for our home to make up for that) due to BF paying his legally obligated child support for the next 18-20 years as SKIDS are 3 and 1 respectively. In NYS CS currently continues through the age of 21. I will for the better part of 20 years carry our household. The only reason that is not the case now is 1) I'm not having it being just a GF and 2) we live someplace where we can BOTH afford the rent. I would like my OWN children to benefit from my hard work the bulk of that will be in our home, If something were to happen to me I need to be sure that this is seen through. (he and I have already agreed that our savings and retirements including contributions made after marriage will be kept separate and he acknowledges due to his prior obligations that there will likely be a disparity in accumulations our home is just an extension of that) I've also considered that the house can be in our name but held in a trust that benefits the children born of our marriage irrevocable upon the first spouses passing. One never knows how soon or far that is. But I still worry about what would happen if God forbid we were to divorce what if a judge doesn't acknowledge that I contributed more to our life and divides things equally? Hence the reason for the insistence on a prenup. As OP stated in response in my last blog his track record of two kids not too far apart by two diff women gives me much concerns as he was in a very casual friends with benefits type relationship w/ BM 1 and a hit it and quit relationship with BM 2. Neither should have resulted in a child especially the child of BM 2. It leaves me to wonder, and yes worry about our future. There are also other practical things to worry about that were pointed out by other posters. If we were to sell our home and capital gains were made does he owe 17%x2 on his half of the home although he didn't actually contribute to "his half". If he were to fall behind and arrears accrued could a lien be attached on his portion of our home. Again would that be his undeserved half or his contributed to 20% what a difference that could and would make. The difference between his half or his 20% would be him bequeathing 50% of our home to 4 kids or his 20% to 4 kids. Why should he dilute my hard earnings to kids I didn't produce, and therefore am not responsible for?

Another posted stated that my hard financial stance would leave SAHM moms out. I should point out that I addressed that in a previous blog entitled and I will copy and post a portion:?"IMO when a man and woman determine he will work and she will stay home, and rear the children/run the house they have a division of labor that is understood to benefit all of them. Even though he makes the bacon and she fries it they both own it all 50/50. IMO opinion that's what divorce laws were REALLY meant to protect." HERE IMO IS AN IMPORTNAT DISTINCTION IN STEP/BLENDED FAMILIES AND WHAT I BASED THE PREMISE OF MY PREVIOUS POST ON SPOUSE PAYING SPOUSE RENT "Such is not true in step/blended families. He is obligated to provide part of that bacon to his previous children which does not benefit your family/household. And you staying home may not be 100% benefit to the family/household. Lets be real step mom staying home caring for children from a previous relationship isn't doing your new husband/family/household any favors. It benefits your previous family the way CS benefits his. On another note step mom isn't obligated to care for his previous children. Although he may expect you to do so as part of your contribution and SAHM/W duties."

My BF paying CS does not benefit his current family the way a SAHM/W staying home with another mans kids or me wanting to own my home independently of him doesn't benifited him. Plenty of things in step/ blended family aren't fair they just are and we learn to live with them.?

Another poster said since you own your home independently of your husband that doesn't benefit him just you- I suppose you'll never expect him to make repairs, or mow the lawn. My answer to that is do any of your husbands expect you to things for SKIDS that in no way befits SMOM? Cook, babysit, clean up... Oh ok then.?

Source: http://www.steptalk.org/node/84645

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